Take Your Best Shot

I feel like I’ve gotten the rest of me back, the part I laid aside when making a living and providing for family became a priority. I squeezed in writing when I could, which was not often.

It’s odd that along with the stroke I’ve gotten the gift of time. I’m writing six plus hours a day. It’s not been much over a month that I’ve been doing it. I feel like I’ve still got a bit of rust to shake off. But I don’t know how to say how good this feels. Time to write. I’ve been dreaming about it, praying for years. I thought maybe when I retire. Maybe?

Now here it is, the shot I’ve always said I wanted. I feel very blessed. I think most people, for one reason or another, don’t get their shot. I guess I think most people don’t get as far as dreaming about a shot they would like to get. And here I am early into it.

Another thing I think most people don’t get is to know if they had the shot, would they take it? And having taken their shot, did they make it?

Well, I’m in the process of taking it. I know that much. But to carry it through, that’s another question. Back when I was going to Columbia College, near the end of the school year, I read SONNY’S BLUES by James Baldwin. My reaction to it, besides it being a fantastic story was “Holy Shit.” It was my first clear realization of how hard I was going to have to work if I wanted to write the way I wanted to write. I didn’t know if I wanted to work that hard and I didn’t right at all that summer. I went back to school in the fall and in my naiveté, I answered yes.

It’s maybe fifteen years later and here I am In front of that question again. I have to answer it every day. I’m always surprised how closely writing, for me anyway, parallels my faith. I am not so naive anymore. It’s the same question but I hear it a little differently now. If I want to write to the standard I want to write, am I willing to work that hard whether I make it as a writer or not?

I’ve got my shot. I’m going to take it. It’s a faith thing. I don’t get to know in advance. But, whatever happens, I’ll know I took the shot. I can live with that.