Monday, May 25, 2009
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
words to the wise
Coffee makes the world go round
world go round, world go round.
Coffee make the world go round
so early in the morning.
As president I promise to all efforts, take all reasonable action, ruling out nothing, so let mister Chavez take a word to the wise, vital to the American economy and well being, my administration will brook no interference with our allies in the production and export of coffee.
A further word to the wise. Political office in not a place where one dabbles. Higher office even more so. If one wishes to be taken seriously one should concentrate ones efforts and not squander ones energy nor the good will of the American people by spreading oneself to thin. If I may be so bold to offer a word of knowledge. Mister Borat Obama, movies or a higher calling and leave the documentaries to mister Gore.
Courage... Wait, that's no good.
Peace. No, that makes me sound like a hippie.
God bless. Too offensive.
Whatever.
world go round, world go round.
Coffee make the world go round
so early in the morning.
As president I promise to all efforts, take all reasonable action, ruling out nothing, so let mister Chavez take a word to the wise, vital to the American economy and well being, my administration will brook no interference with our allies in the production and export of coffee.
A further word to the wise. Political office in not a place where one dabbles. Higher office even more so. If one wishes to be taken seriously one should concentrate ones efforts and not squander ones energy nor the good will of the American people by spreading oneself to thin. If I may be so bold to offer a word of knowledge. Mister Borat Obama, movies or a higher calling and leave the documentaries to mister Gore.
Courage... Wait, that's no good.
Peace. No, that makes me sound like a hippie.
God bless. Too offensive.
Whatever.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Taking the higher ground
It seems in the spirit of no bull a correction must be made regarding a statement attributed to myself. It was reported my running mate graduated from some Podunk college somewhere. We regret any injury this misleading statement may have caused. Karen actually graduated from some Podunk bible college.
Also, it was reported some drunk guy claimed my running mate bore a resemblance to a certain other politician, while I hold no malice toward this other person and do in fact consider her to be a credit to her gender, I find the comparison to be grossly inaccurate and unfair to my esteemed and much better looking colleague. Why my colleague was hanging out with a drunk guy I will leave to some spurious media hack to ferret out should he or she deem such slander worthy of print.
Speaking of said media, while I'm sure they would be delighted should I engage in the usual level of mud slinging common to the modern day political campaign, I have chosen to take the higher ground and I will be making no comment concerning the ties to terror mister Borat Obama may or may not have had in his youth.
Good day.
Also, it was reported some drunk guy claimed my running mate bore a resemblance to a certain other politician, while I hold no malice toward this other person and do in fact consider her to be a credit to her gender, I find the comparison to be grossly inaccurate and unfair to my esteemed and much better looking colleague. Why my colleague was hanging out with a drunk guy I will leave to some spurious media hack to ferret out should he or she deem such slander worthy of print.
Speaking of said media, while I'm sure they would be delighted should I engage in the usual level of mud slinging common to the modern day political campaign, I have chosen to take the higher ground and I will be making no comment concerning the ties to terror mister Borat Obama may or may not have had in his youth.
Good day.
Monday, January 29, 2007
No Bull
Monday. I am up but I don't like it. When I'm president, if I ever push the button, it will probably be on a Monday. I can practically guaranty that I won't, though. I mean, what would be the point. It's not that I'd be soft on terror or anything like that, but even a moderate thermo-nuclear exchange, a dozen good size cities or so, you get a winter that last decades and three quarters of the planet starves to death and you can't make any money like that, especially if your dead. It's just not cost productive so ten to one, I wouldn't do it. And then there's the whole God thing. As a cosmic parent He's allowed are room to get messy, but I don't think He's going to actually let us torch it.
Speaking of not being soft on terror, I pledge to continue the cabinet level position of the Department of Homeland Secretaries, and am actively pursuing candidates. Coffee brewing is a must. We must after all remain vigilant and how you do that without coffee is a mystery to me, especially on Mondays.
I am also proud to announce my selection for vice president, Karen of Karen's Journal, graduate of some Podunk college somewhere, and former Iowa "congressional aid." As my vice presidential running mate her duties will be to look good in front of the camera, get me some votes I wouldn't otherwise get, and hopefully not screw anything up until after the election.
Remember. No bull.
Speaking of not being soft on terror, I pledge to continue the cabinet level position of the Department of Homeland Secretaries, and am actively pursuing candidates. Coffee brewing is a must. We must after all remain vigilant and how you do that without coffee is a mystery to me, especially on Mondays.
I am also proud to announce my selection for vice president, Karen of Karen's Journal, graduate of some Podunk college somewhere, and former Iowa "congressional aid." As my vice presidential running mate her duties will be to look good in front of the camera, get me some votes I wouldn't otherwise get, and hopefully not screw anything up until after the election.
Remember. No bull.
Friday, January 26, 2007
My Platform - No BS
Now that my candidacy is underway, I should probably come up with some kind of platform, something populist, a chicken in every pot, that sort of thing, something to really real the rubes in. I'll throw in some righteous indignation, how dare they bla bla bla without the consent of the people, with a bunch of no mores. You know, no more quagmire in Iraq, or no more talk of abandoning the good people of Iraq. No more fee lunch for the fat cats. No more missed lunches for the school kiddies. It doesn't matter. Just something I can be indignant about.
I'm going to need to come off as moral. Given my past misadventures. I'm kind of stuck with claiming I'm more honest than the rest. While others parade their spic and span past, I I tell you the truth. I did do drugs in my youth. Let others put the best possible spin one the ivy league past. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to talk straight like every hard working man and women knows how to do. I ain't got time for BS. There we go. A little brain storming goes a long way. It's simple, to the point, connects with the general fed upness the people have with politicians and the political process. No BS. That's my platform. After all. Like I said. I'm a born again. Would I lie to you?
I'm going to need to come off as moral. Given my past misadventures. I'm kind of stuck with claiming I'm more honest than the rest. While others parade their spic and span past, I I tell you the truth. I did do drugs in my youth. Let others put the best possible spin one the ivy league past. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to talk straight like every hard working man and women knows how to do. I ain't got time for BS. There we go. A little brain storming goes a long way. It's simple, to the point, connects with the general fed upness the people have with politicians and the political process. No BS. That's my platform. After all. Like I said. I'm a born again. Would I lie to you?
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Puma for President
whatever, it's morning. I barley have any eyes open. One of these days my wife is going to find me face forward into the keyboard.
Wow, the Democrats are certainly feeling their oats. You'd think they think everybody forgot they were politicians and suddenly acquired integrity. Can you guess what I think about politicians in general? I suppose there's some good ones out there. With the odds you'd think there would be at least one.
Yes, yes, I am bitter and totally disillusioned as far as politics goes. I mean it won't be long before the media starts trying to guess if a given candidate is saying what he or she actually thinks, or if it's political rhetoric. I mean I'm really tired of it. What's it cost now to run for president? It's hundreds of millions anyway. And then you have all the pacs or whatever committees, like the swift boat guys and other "unofficial" hired thugs and spin doctors.
In fact I'm so tired of it, sometimes I think I ought to run for president. How about it? I here by announce my candidacy for the president of the United States. I promise not to spend one thin dime towards the goal, thus I will not be beholding to anybody. I promise to be up front about my former drug use, income tax laxes, somewhat complicated discharge from the military, my Jack Daniels winter and season of left wing survivalism (don't worry I got rid of all my guns, ammo, and freeze dried foods), and my present born again status.
What do you say? Puma for President.
Wow, the Democrats are certainly feeling their oats. You'd think they think everybody forgot they were politicians and suddenly acquired integrity. Can you guess what I think about politicians in general? I suppose there's some good ones out there. With the odds you'd think there would be at least one.
Yes, yes, I am bitter and totally disillusioned as far as politics goes. I mean it won't be long before the media starts trying to guess if a given candidate is saying what he or she actually thinks, or if it's political rhetoric. I mean I'm really tired of it. What's it cost now to run for president? It's hundreds of millions anyway. And then you have all the pacs or whatever committees, like the swift boat guys and other "unofficial" hired thugs and spin doctors.
In fact I'm so tired of it, sometimes I think I ought to run for president. How about it? I here by announce my candidacy for the president of the United States. I promise not to spend one thin dime towards the goal, thus I will not be beholding to anybody. I promise to be up front about my former drug use, income tax laxes, somewhat complicated discharge from the military, my Jack Daniels winter and season of left wing survivalism (don't worry I got rid of all my guns, ammo, and freeze dried foods), and my present born again status.
What do you say? Puma for President.
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