Friday. Been home a week and a day. Still subject to bits of instability. I loose my balance at the drop of a hat. The eating thing is a trip. I eat whatever Jackie puts in front of me. It's got to be a God thing that's taken away my gag reflex with the things I'm no used to eating. In the hospital, when the started feeding me, a couple/three or four days after I got in, I remember stabbing some vegie with my fork and raising my eyes to God. There was a lot in that gesture. There was who I've been with food. I thought of myself as having an eating disorder stemming from childhood.. I pretty much gagged on things I normally didn't eat. I had mad some progress with Jackie's help but it was minimal. Looking up I was acknowledging the circumstance before God and my inability to overcome it. There was also the knowledge that God can do what He likes and He is good. Kierkegaard says there are two steps in a leap of faith. The first is acknowledgement what you want to happen is imposable. The second is moving ahead on what he calls "the strength of the absurd," the foolish notion that through God, anything is possible. I did not make a bargain with God. I acknowledged the circumstances as I stood before God, put the vegie in my mouth and started chewing in an attitude of submission toward God doing whatever he was going to do.

I don't have an eating disorder, It's gone. The only answerer I have is God took it away.